is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
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Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
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Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
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