I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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