He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
