the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
