I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
