Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
