I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
