dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
