The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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