Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
That accounts for only three of the penises
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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