Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
time to smoke my breakfast
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Operation Purity has been aborted
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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