I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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