my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
