My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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