Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
