I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
