I wish they made helmets for livers.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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