Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
