He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
