I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
