someone threw a dead crab at me
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
