I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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