I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
