the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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