we need to drink 2009 down the drain
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize