They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
