if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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