im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
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I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
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I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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