If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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