I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
