im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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