She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
