none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
