He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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