all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
