I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
