i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
