Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
