yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My breasts were aching with rage.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
