remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
