oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
