the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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