all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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