im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
