He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
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fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
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Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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