It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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