The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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