used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
