I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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