Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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