Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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