i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
