last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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