Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
