Nicole vs. Life
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
