First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
