hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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