Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
