My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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