i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Of course I have a pirate flag
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
