wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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