i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
they need to just BURY HIM!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
