If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
