this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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