question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
